Car // Wars: German premium class (1 of 3) The German banker

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The looks

I do not consider my self old, or even mature, yet I can clearly remember times when Mercedes used to produce cars with design as exciting as melting snow. Soft, heavy saloons with a couch you’d rather have in your living room than in your car. Just as you need to be eighteen to vote it seemed like you needed to be seventy to enjoy driving a Merc. First attempt of breaking with that image was probably the CLS back in 2004. However the real breakthrough was the latest A class which transformed from a boxy dog house that was unable to take corners without rolling to either side into something that resembles a cool hot hatch. From then on pretty much every popular Mercedes model that followed was in a way cool or mean or both. With the latest C class Mercedes follows nicely that trend giving us a yet another car people will turn their heads after when you drive by. The front grill and head lights look serious enough to make other cars pull over to a slower lane and give you the way. The profile is streamlined with two clear lines going from front to back wheel arches and the back… well, the back is pretty much stolen from the latest S class that debuted last year. All in all the W205 looks just as most of German bankers do – and trust me, because I know quite a few of them – it’s fit, with lots of clear lines and a serious face on top of all that. It commands respect among other drivers, but it also builds confidence when you’re behind the wheel. There’s no room for mistake, this car won’t be taken for any other brand.

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Interior

Sitting inside any Merc has always been more of an experience than just a thing you do. Fortunately that is still the case. All dials and buttons feel and work like someone actually put some effort and thought into designing and placing them. You’re surrounded by gentle curvy lines and the whole inside of the car nicely cocoons you. The car feels inside smaller than you might expect it to, bu I personally find that appealing as I’m not fond of cars which interiors resemble empty warehouses. There’s an analog clock at the center of the dashboard and a jewelery like string of switches made of real alloy. Yeas, real alloy. No painted plastic pretending to be something else. The steering wheel is covered with soft leather and its thickness is just about right. All that however is not important once you see and start using a touch pad to navigate around and inside the car’s infotainment. No leaning forward to touch the screen, just sit back and caress your car to tell it what you want. Finding an address, calling someone, finding a radio station… playing with that pad not only is cooler and more efficient than talking to your car (which by the way you still can do), it’s also so much sexier then any other way of interacting with you car. After a few days with it I was deeply disappointed with the fact that I needed to go back to just pushing the knobs. Another great thing was a glove compartment right below the right arm with a two pieces opening to either side. Finally I can have all of my stuff next to me with an instant access thanks to one part being constantly open and still have a working arm rest thanks to the other part being closed. The only thing that needed improvement was a driving position. Even though the driver's seat is a great place to be and a truly comfortable one I kept finding myself either sitting straight up or leaning backwards so much that I’d rather look for a pillow and fall asleep than drive. Another thing that’s just not my cup of tea is the infotainment screen. I was supposed to look like a tablet put on top the dash board, I get that. What I don’t get is why you would want to put a tablet there. Whenever I was leaving the car I wanted to rip that screen off and take that tablet with me. This whole thing seems to me like just a half of the idea completed. If it was to be a tablet I should be able to actually detach it, take with me and use like a tablet. If it was supposed to be an infotainment screen, well then I’d rather have it looking as an integral part of my dashboard. Going back to that German banker analogy – his watch is a genuine Rolex and his cuff-links that at first glance look like silver are really made of… well, silver.

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The drive

When you meet your German banker in the office, he’s focused, precise, reassuring. Yet, when you are friends enough to do some sporting and/or outdoors activity you get to know someone completely different. If it’s diving, he’ll bring top of the line equipment that would allow him to dive into deepest abyss and an air supply to stay there for a week. If it’s simple biking he’ll probably bring along his carbon-fiber-frame and magnesium wheels bicycle that took part in last year’s Tour de France. No, no the one like took part in it, but the one that took part in it. My point is… the German banker can afford to go all the way, whatever it is and I was able to experience that personally because the C class I was driving had an AMG package fitted. Thankfully that was just a suspension, engine mapping plus some big wheels with low profile tires and side skirts. Had that been anything more in terms of power or ride firmness I don’t think I’d be able to survive the drive. Never the less the car seemed to be doped with some illegal substances. The steering response was to sharp and that combined with firm springs and dumpers gave me the impression of a calm conversation that you’re trying to have with a guy on a verge of hysteric burst. When driving at higher speeds the car felt more often airborne than on the ground and required constant steering input. The faster I drove, the more this German banker seemed to be in a weekendish overdone ecstasy. Driving slow didn’t solve the problem either. When cruising around town I could feel every pot hole and imperfection of the road as I was bouncing like on one of those huge fitness balls. Any upsides? Sure. It was the first Merc I drove that had seriously quick gearbox (excluding SLS AMG). My daily drives is a manual, so every time I hopped into an automatic Merc I kept nodding, because it usually took a second or two for a car to respond to stepping on a gas or changing a gear with flapy paddle. Sometimes people around even nodded back, but most of the time I just looked like an idiot greeting strangers. This problem is finally solved. Both the pedal response and gear changes are genuinely fast and the car reacts just as you’d expect a one with a manual box. It’s such a same that at the same time you need to hold on to the steering wheel not to fall out of the car while bouncing. I’d imagine that skipping that AMG pack when ordering your W205 would solve the problem, or wouldn’t have created it in the first place, so then you’d have your German banker arriving to a causal bike ride on a bike from Intersport rather then from McLaren Technology center.

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Summary

If you don’t have a German banker handy and you’d like to see what it’s like to have one as a friend, there’s no better way to do it, than buying yourself a C class. Trust me, it will make you look way classier than you actually are (no matter how classy you’re now). It will shout “money!” to everyone looking and it will reassure you of the great decision you had made buying it every time you put your hands on that soft steering wheel, push your genuine alloy knobs or touch that sexy touch pad on a center column. I personally would love to have one parked on my drive way. Just don’t make your banker do sports and let him be what he is best at - luxurious perfection, not diving or biking.

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Check back for more

Please check back next week to see how this car matches against its biggest rival which is the latest BMW 3 series F30. Is the Beemer still "the drive of your life" as the like to call themselves?